Working through difficult family dynamics

When family relationships are difficult

Our early relationships affect us in ways that we don’t always recognise. The way we relate to ourselves, others and the world takes shape early in life within our most important relationships.

This can influence how we manage conflict, show love, handle emotions, how much of ourselves we share with others, the expectations we place on ourselves and what we tend to predict about the future.

These ways of being can become so familiar and ingrained that we don't necessarily question them until something starts to trip us up.

You may notice yourself people-pleasing to the point of exhaustion or pushing people away to protect yourself. You may feel anxious in situations where others seem calm, struggle with perfectionism or self-doubt, or experience emotions that seem out of proportion to what's happening. Sometimes it’s simply a vague sense that something isn't quite right.

Understanding the role you’ve learned to play

You may also recognise particular roles or patterns within your family.

Perhaps you've always been the person who has it together, helps others or takes on a lot of responsibility. You might find it difficult to say no, express what you need or establish boundaries without feeling guilty.

You may feel responsible for keeping the peace or managing other people's emotions while finding it much harder to make space for your own.

These aren't personal failings. Many of the ways we learn to cope develop because they helped us navigate the demands of our early life. They may have helped us maintain important relationships or get through difficult family circumstances.

As we mature and the context of our life changes, however, strategies that were once helpful can start to limit us.

Finding a different way forward

In therapy, we can look at your patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving without judgement and build a shared understanding of why they developed.

It isn't about blame or deciding that everything your family did was wrong. You may understand why your family members behaved as they did while also recognising that some of their limitations or the circumstances you grew up in have affected you in painful ways.

Therapy provides space to hold both of those things and process experiences that may not have been fully dealt with.

From there, we can look at what you want your relationships to be like now. This might mean expressing your needs more clearly, establishing different boundaries, stepping away from a role you've always played or finding a different way to navigate relationships with your family as an adult.

The aim is to understand what you've inherited from your earlier relationships so you can make more deliberate choices about what you want to carry forward.

Begin a conversation

If you’d like to learn more about working together, you’re welcome to book a free 15-minute call.

It’s a chance to tell me a little about what’s brought you to therapy, ask any questions you have and see whether I might be the right psychologist for you.